I am 60 years. That is a long time. I have seen much, been through much. I have had many hopes fulfilled, and many crushed. But you know...I have had a good live. I am healthy and fit, and can still somewhat say I am sane.
However, there is something I have really never had. In younger days, I could blame someone else. I could blame life, or an occupier, or my children and husband. Today, I can only blame myself. That one thing I have never had is an ounce of peace.
Friday last, the organization I work for announced that they will be shutting down. Unfortuanlty it is not because of lack of funding, but from lack of effectivness of mission due to circumstances beyond the agency control. I thought about that "lack of effectivness beyond the agency control" and it made sence to me. Why should I worry and be afraid of something beyond my comtrol? Why shouldn't I re align my focus, and turn my resourses on what I want?
In a way, seeing my job go is a great sadness, but it is also a burden lifted. I will miss the people I worked with,and the people we helped. However, the people I will see all of the time because we have become friends over so many years together. That is a good thing. However, it brings a new oppurtunity to my life...a chance to do as I want.
As things go, in order to re focus resourses, some things will have to be shed. One of the things I have noticed that are beyond my control is politics. They will happen, regardless of what I do or say. I haven't enough voice, time or money to invest to make a difference, and so it is futile to keep trying. Therefore, it is something I have to shed.
This is my last article here. I wish peace upon all of you.
Zanubiyah.







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That is sad, and it might seem trite to say it, but as soon as you reach this kind of conclusion, you have been defeated. Not the kind of scenario I would have envisioned for the scimitar-wielding Zanubiyah.
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