My wife received an email titled "Tech Support" and forwarded it to all her friends (and her hubby) along with the comment, "very creative, yet true."  This is the text of the email:

INSTALLING A HUSBAND


Dear Tech Support,


Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a

distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the

flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under

Boyfriend 5.0.


In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such

as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed

undesirable programs such as:


NBA 5.0

NFL 3.0

Golf Clubs 4.1


Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes

the system.


Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these

problems, but to no avail.


What can I do?


Signed,

Desperate.


DEAR DESPERATE:


First, keep in mind,

Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an

operating system.


Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears

6.2 and do not forget to install the  Guilt 3.0update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then

automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.


However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband

1.0 to default to  Grumpy Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the

Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.


Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law

1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize

control of all your system resources.)


In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the  Boyfriend

5.0-program . These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband

1.0.


In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited

memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider

buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We

recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.



I could be wrong, but I detected a subtle gender-bias in the humor contained in this little ditty, and felt that a response was in order.  Here is my reply to my wife's friends:

All users of Husband 1.0 should be aware that this is a multifunction enterprise-wide application that serves as the cornerstone of today's highly complex and labor intensive activities.  It is the best in the industry.  Although Husband 1.0 may occasionally run slow, hog resources, and become bloated, you should think twice before purging the application and rebooting.


Please do not lose sight that you get what you paid for.  There is nothing on the market today that can replace Husband 1.0's many essential utility features at so low a cost -- if you paid anything at all.  Boyfriend 5.0 was a beta program that performed a few basic functions satisfactorily, but did not include the core features that users take for granted in Husband 1.0.  And Boyfriend 5.0 will only run on new machines.  It refuses to install on legacy platforms.


Keep in mind that Husband 1.0 is not maintenance free.  Subroutines already built into the Husband 1.0 package like Romance and Personal Attention tend to run buggy if Husband 1.0's cache is not periodically emptied (like you used to do with Boyfriend 5.0).


The health of Husband 1.0's hardware is also of concern.  As with all high-tech devices, when you leave hardware unattended for long periods of time, it powers down, and you shouldn't expect it to start right up just because you suddenly feel like you need it.  When the battery has not been charged in days, you will be lucky if you get 5 minutes performance; 10 minutes tops.


Resist the temptation to install third party freeware that promises to perform some of the identical ancillary functions as Husband 1.0.  The same is true for shareware that runs free of charge only for a short demo period.  Both may contain viruses, and just the presence of third party packages sharing the same disk space with Husband 1.0 can cause Husband 1.0 to hang.  On the other hand, Husband 1.0 was designed to run on multiple servers.


Thank you for your inquiry.


Sincerely,


The Support Staff for Husband 1.0